Neoliberalism is attractive

Why somedays I find neoliberalism attractive? Yet, it is completely against all what I supposedly believe, but still, I find something very attractive to it, and it sounds like anarchy, destruction and opulence. I feel like destroying myself sometimes, destroying others, society, the State, all public institutions, and clear the way for businesses, private finances, without interference from anybody, and put my garbage freely everywhere. Everything would be owned by private interests. Nothing would be free, except the "free market". Pure domination from the stronger on the weaker, the poorer. Nothing would be able to hold us back. We would live in a strange strange world : no middle class, just extremes : the very rich, the very poor. Two classes : the ruling semi-gods and the laborious and struggling insects.

If all of this was really possible, you would say I am crazy : yes indeed, I am. Why am I crazy? - Because of long-time poverty and lack of possibilities, I want to overthrow this society, and then, when it is possible, the riches themselves : the abuses of neoliberalism will drive the people to a bloody end : pushed to the wall, they will be forced to annihilate the higher class, that will be viewed then as a disgusting parasite neverendlessly sucking blood from honest workers. The next step will probably be the end of it all, civil war, military regime, and if we're lucky, the coming of a kind of socialism or communism, probably slowing down progress and affairs, but making us live in a better world, expunged forever from a minority, a "ruling" class keeping everybody down except themselves, what will always be only a dynastic "elite", stealing our lives, everything we own, our rights to a better life, a better society, and in the end, our hope of a better world.