Are you bored?

I mean, life is so boring sometimes. I wake up and try to avoid my coffee routine, I resist for a couple of days, and then that's it: I'm invaded by boredom, by another routine, I have to have my goddam coffee. The routine is literally killing my soul, my spirit, my body. The routine is so goddam pervading daily life, that I try to think about something else, sex, games, etc. This is why I think the people think about sex so much: it's because they are bored. Sex is a way to occupy their mind with something. By the way we are sollicited by sex or sexy images today, we can say for sure that we are bored to death.

Try to imagine a world where there would be no sexual instinct at all, no need to mate, no desire for each other : we would probably be non-sense robots. Sexual desire and arousal is a great part of our existence, if not the central part. If you analyse your thoughts clearly, you're going to find in each one of them an abstract sexual component. Our mind is programmed like that, the goal of the human race being to multiply itself as a first commandment. Sex is the foundation of meaning, it gives a sense to life.

I feel like there is no goal, no purpose, except to make money and survive and have sex. I know what I like: philosophy, Heidegger, chess, anagrams, music, nature. It's just that I can't read Heidegger everyday and have as much pleasure each time, and I cannot either just read everyday, it comes boring to sit at a table or anywhere and read, read, read. Same thing for writing. I am not a machine to read, to write or to think. I need breaks a lot. My breaks are chess, anagrams, etc.

And even, I have to have breaks from my breaks... One thing I can't do is sit there and do nothing; if I sit on a bench, I will start thinking about projects, ideas; if I'm out taking sun or taking the bus, I have to bring a book absolutely. If I don't have a book, I feel like I am lost to the world. Every second I have to do something useful: I'm like that, I have to enjoy my neurons I guess.

Sometimes I just walk out on the balcony and smell the rain and the trees and the grass, it smells so good, and the dark brown color of the trees is so beautiful with their almost fluorescent green leafs. It's an absolute pleasure for the eyes and for the nose, and I wish I could be a bird and live forever in the trees and in the sky, but all of this doesn't last long: I lose soon enough the smell after a couple of breath, and I feel after that that I can't just stay there and stare at the trees, so I come back inside to my killing routine.

I had a moment of liberation, of dream, that's it. It lasts seconds, and I can't do nothing about it. I would have to take drugs or meditate on my balcony to enhance my senses more, but drugs or meditation becomes routine too, and you get use to it as fast as the rest.

The only place I almost never get bored is at the café. I don't know why, but there, at this particular café, I feel like the world is turning around me, literally. Every book I read there is like enhanced, and I think I know why: I need space and movement to think. When I read there I continually look at the people and the cars on the street, and I project my thoughts out in that space. The same as when I'm in the bus reading: I project my thoughts along the travel, and when later I think about the travel, I remember instantly the part I was reading. The text become assembled into chunks that are linked to my travel in the bus or my walk on the street.

To come back to boredom, I think that Schopenhauer was right in saying that you either ultimately get bored in security or struggle for your life, suffer, but never get bored. I think that by the way we are going into extreme sports and pornography, we are most probably extremely bored. Suffering at the gym is also another form of entertainment for our extremely bored souls. Religion too, if you're bored, can become a good form of entertainment. But, you should then pray God not to get bored to much in praying Him.